If we were having coffee…

coffeelatte

Woohoo! It’s summer. We’ve been on vacation recently. Out of town. Off of schedules. Out of whack. And it’s been hard. Tantrums roared, patience ran thin, emotions at an all time high, and the yelling. The yelling started.

Now, I’m not someone who yells often. I’m not quiet and reserved but I’m not a yeller either. I’m in the middle somewhere. But when those tantrums, patience, and emotions are doing crazy things, I do a crazy thing. I yell, which never ends well. It causes so much frustration, hurt, and fear. The fear is probably the worst thing. The fear in my daugher’s eyes, she’s scared that she’s disappointed me, scared that mama went from frustrated to T-rex mode in 2 seconds. And then of course there’s the “ugh” type of thoughts that come out in the form of yelling.

If my daughter could just listen and do what I tell her, we wouldn’t be having issues.
It would be so much easier if she would just listen and obey!
Why can’t she just do what I tell her?
Why do I have to repeat myself 6 times?

These type of thoughts sound like they’re centered around my daughter listening, but there’s something deeper. Something deeper that has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. Those thoughts all point to one thing – my selfishness. It reveals how badly I want things my way, a form of a temper tantrum in thoughts, a fit going on in my head. But really, those thoughts reveal my desperate need for Jesus. I used to think I was a selfless person and I do enjoy helping people, even if it means I have to go out of my way. But I had never been a mother. And because I had never been a mother, I didn’t understand how selfish I truly am and how much selflessness it would require of me. And how inadequate I am to fulfill it. Because I’m not God, my selflessness has a limit.

Thankfully we’re at the end of our vacation time and things are (slowly!) getting back to normal. And thankfully, God is much bigger than I and can give my daughter more than I’ll ever be able to. Including Jesus.

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